Yesterday, I woke up at one pm. This is after I had gone to bed at midnight, too - it's not like I'd stayed up 'til four, or something ... I think my body was just catching up on sleep after the torture I put it through all week in order to catch up on procrastinated work and get new demo packages together ... but anyway, back to the story. I woke up at one pm.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. I grabbed it and didn't recognize the area code. Almost immediately, my stomach tied itself in a knot and my heart rate increased about 60 bpm - could this be a radio station calling to tell me they loved my demo and want to hire me?

But my voice sounds like crap! I thought, exasperated. How do I explain this? Surely I can't say I just woke up at one pm - no, no ... a spring cold! That'll work, sure ... now just clear your throat and answer ...

"Hello?"

-a brief pause- "Hey there!!! This is your friendly neighborhood Spiderman! Just calling to ..."

Wait, what?

What the hell is this?

Spiderman is not a radio station.

No. No he is not. Spiderman just wanted to call to let me know that Hasbro put out some new toys. He didn't want me to forget to run out to a store and buy some. He did apparently want me to shove them up his ass.

I listened to the rest of the message after I realized what was going on, hoping that at least it would be personalized and/or funny like the messages from Samuel L. Jackson regarding Snakes on a Plane that I myself was guilty of sending out over the summer, but no dice. It was just a big fat waste of a minute of my life and some precious adrenaline.

Listen. If I find out that you sent me that message, I will kill you. Or try to. There will be absolutely no prank calling until I get hired, ya heard?!?