Last week I would wake up and start my day by rolling out of my bed to the right and extending my feet to make contact with the floor before I fell. Then I’d make my way to the bathroom with my eyes closed and turn on the shower. Well, as you may know, I’ve moved since then, and now I have to roll out of the bed to the left. And my bed isn’t as high off of the floor as it used to be, so extending my legs doesn’t really do anything except stop me from leaving the bed. But that’s not that big of a deal I guess, I’ll get used to having to sit up before getting out of the bed. It’s just a little hard for me to get used to things when I’m ridiculously tired.

For example, I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my alarm, because it was in a different location than my body remembers. After finally turning the alarm off, I let out an exasperated sigh. Going to sleep late and waking up early the past few days culminated in a sort of disorientation that led me to rolling off of my bed and into the closet. When you open your eyes and find yourself inside your closet I think it gives you a pretty good outlook on how the day will be. I spent a few minutes on my back just marveling the fact that I had made it into the closet instead of the bathroom. Either my technique was off, or I was in a different room and my bathroom was a few rolls to the left instead of the right. Obviously it was the latter; my mostly-asleep-rolling technique is unmatched in case you were wondering. Ordinarily I would be able to wake up to my alarm, fall back asleep, and wake up again but be in the shower. I’ve only perfected my ability to accomplish things in my sleep in recent years. I can’t really explain it; it’s just a talent of mine.

I’m going to have to reprogram myself so that I can once again function properly in the morning without actually being aware of what I’m doing. It certainly makes things easier when there is no thinking for the first hour or so of being awake (three hours actually, but who would believe me if I told them I can’t think for three whole hours after I wake up? No one, so I don’t really talk about it. Pretend you never read anything inside these parentheses). It’s actually quite necessary to refrain from thinking for some time after waking up. If I had to think about something in the morning my brain would probably explode. It would be like turning on a computer while it’s under water. You have to let all of that murky-tiredness-metaphoric-water drain before you can start to process information. Otherwise you’d just end up with a disaster. Either something would break or you’d be processing information through that murky water. Basically nothing would come out right and you would end up in your closet instead of the bathroom.