No one can deny that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull provided everything an Indy fan would expect from the last Indiana Jones movie that will ever be made.The movie is a true fan service, as any conclusion to a series should be. Everything that is Indiana Jones--witty lines, daring escapes from impossible situations, fearlessness in the face of countless enemies, fist fighting and whip lashings,archaeological puzzle solving, and of course at least one snake---is in this movie. But this movie had something that the others in the series didn't have; an ending that was such complete shit, utter garbage, barf inducing, angry review producing,give-me-my 10-bucks-back rioting---an ending so bad that it ruined the entire movie. It played out something like this...
The movie starts with Jones being captured by evil Russians, the leader of whom is obviously a hot woman(who Jones doesn't have sex with?!Somethings up!)and is taken to Area 51 and forced to find a magnetic alien hidden in a warehouse. Jones finds what the Russians are looking for, and the manages to shit on 15 guys with guns and get away, however, allowing the Russians to have what they came for. He should probably kick everyones ass before giving the treasure to the enemy, but Indy always does it in this fashion because he loves finding shit.Jones cannot spend a single day without looking for some shit no one else can find,and thats why we love him. He's never concerned with keeping it though, its a shame he doesn't concentrate on finding abducted children and actually help the community. Anyway,he attempts to escape the base only to find himself in the middle of a nuclear bomb test. Don't worry about the fact that all the US soldiers were killed at the base, nuclear bombs run on a set it and forget it system. He manages to survive the blast by hiding in a nuclear bombs only weakness- Refrigerators! The scene cuts to a CIA base where Jones is naked and being scrubbed down to remove all the radiation from his body. One of the scrubbers tries to clean his penis of the radiation, but Indy quickly stops him. There is no doubt he will regret this decision as his penis will fall off in a few weeks time. The CIA believes Indy is working with the Russians, but some high ranking army dude walks in and vouches for Indy, explaining that Jones is always being captured by the enemy,gives them the dangerous items they want, and then escapes. The CIA lets him go, and the scene cuts to a college classroom with Doctor Jones teaching his shit and all the students being clueless of his alter ego "Indiana Jones, killer of all who do not have a democratic government". His teaching is, as usual, quickly interrupted by bad news. The Dean of the school asks to speak with Indy, and they head to Indy's office. Inside the office there is a picture of Jone's father, and it is made clear that he has passed away. Don't worry about the fact that his father was made immortal after drinking out of the Holy Grail, the old bastard is dead. Indiana is informed he is fired, and therefore has nothing to do but go on a crazy ass adventure, which he does.
Fast forward, Jones meets up with some kid, the Russians have a crystal skull which once returned to a hidden city will grant you great power and treasure. Fuck yes! Fast forward some more, Indy finds the crystal skull in a dungeon(don't worry about the fact that the Russians were suppose to have it), battles some natives, gets captured by the Russians again, meets up with an old lover (No wonder he didn't fuck the evil Russian lady!!)and finds out the boy he met up with is his son. Some shit goes down, Indy and his group escape with the skull after an epic battle with the Russians and some ants, and race to the hidden city to get their prize!! I hope the Russians aren't following them!! Turns out they were, and they show up just in time to take the skull back and reap the rewards.

Now up until this point, the movie was awesome. A perfect Indiana Jones movie( minus one point for Jones not fucking the evil Russian,though his penis probably fell off from radiation around this part). This is when the audience's worst fear that the crystal skulls actually do belong to aliens comes to fruition. "Indiana Jones" and "aliens" should never be mentioned in the same sentence(unless being informed never to do it), much less the same movie. George Lucas, aka super space nerd, had to stick his fat stubby ewok fingers into the script and ruin it. And this is how he did it...
The evil non-vaginal-sexed-Russian places the skull back onto the alien's body. The aliens come to life and begin speaking in Mayan through one of the characters. Jones translates for everyone, saying that the aliens want to give them a gift!Awww! The Russian chick demands the gift, and it turns out the gift is to have your eyes catch on fire and to die a horrible, horrible, never fucked by Indiana Jones, death.Clearly the legend of the crystal skull was misinterpreted some where down the line, because during the entire movie everyone kept saying that returning to skull would result in some sort of benefit. The temple that Jones and the gang are in begins to collapse obviously, because thats what temples do in these movies. Jones and crew manage to escape, and witness the destruction of the temple,treasures and all. A flying saucer appears, and then disappears. One of the gang explains that the aliens (13 of them) were waiting for the last alien to get his head back before getting in their flying saucer and hopping to another dimension, almost hyper-space like(NO ONE EVEN LIKES STAR WARS,GEORGE). Now reread the last two sentences before this one, and realize that I didn't make that up. After that Jones gets married..but who gives a fuck...ALIENS AND A SAUCER? THE ALIENS WAITED THOUSANDS OF YEARS FOR SOMEONE TO BRING THE SKULL BACK, AND THEN KILL THAT PERSON AND DESTROY EVERYTHING AROUND THEM AND HOP DIMENSIONS? WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK??? THATS HOW THE EPIC SERIES OF INDIANA JONES ENDS? YOU MADE LIKE 10 MOVIES WITH ALIENS AND SPACE SHIPS GEORGE LUCAS, COULDN'T YOU JUST RESIST ONE TIME NOT TO ADD THAT SHIT IN? --- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull AKA Complete garbage --- 0/10.