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OK, we both know I’m not as smart as I pretend to be. But, I have my moments. Last night, in order to preserve my own life, I made use of two large fans that I strategically placed in my apartment to create an air flow between the downstairs and upstairs. Because, my girly roommates get cold and turn on the heat and only the upstairs gets hot. So they turn up the heat more, and the upstairs gets even hotter. Basically, I’m wearing next to nothing and I’m struggling to stay alive, as I sweat out the entire volume of water in my body, while they’re shivering under blankets just below me. So, as the fans circulated the air last night, I was able to sleep without fearing my demise and with an almost normal room temperature. I presume they were still cold. But that’s not important, this was a self preservation mission, we’ll worry about the others later, or not at all.

I’m sure they’ll figure out how to survive in the harsh conditions of our apartment in winter. They could, just as an example, get space heaters. Or switch rooms with me, which would probably be an ideal. One of these days they might come home and walk into a room that they thought was theirs except my stuff will be in there. Shocked, they’ll run up stairs to find their stuff. Assuming their heads do not explode, an argument would ensue, which I would win because let’s face it - they’re now in a warm room and they’re too lazy to switch things back. No doubt I’m the one that’s too lazy, because I can’t imagine a world where I’d do all of that work when I could just sleep on the couch downstairs.

Maybe I could have avoided this whole traumatic situation if I had just been intelligent enough to realize sooner that I could sleep downstairs on a cold couch. I’ve been too busy trying to solve problems when I could have been avoiding them entirely. Tragic. I might try sleeping on one of the couches tonight. I could just keep a knife under my pillow with a firm clutch on it, and in the event someone wakes me up I’ll just start swinging. That should keep them quiet. Dead quiet (I’m so cleverrrrr).

Is it possible to be irredeemably obtuse and intelligent at the same time?

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